Why did you quit?
It’s been 3 months since I left my 7-year engineering career at Squarespace to pursue art full time.
@ Farewell SQSP Happy Hour
I’m still learning how this works, and in many ways I feel that I’ve started over (despite creating kintsugi print studio over 4 years ago!)
Life has been perpetually busy, stress takes on new forms, and there is no longer the concept of a “weekend”. Every day brings a new challenge, without any map to follow.
(The before)
“Why did you quit?”
This is the most common question I’ve been asked. As someone who truly did enjoy engineering, this was not an overnight decision (and not because financially art was matching my tech income)
When I first started kintsugi print studio in 2022, it was purely out of curiosity. There was no long-term plan or commitment. However, as life happened — I started using art as an outlet to process my emotions, and came out with more personal work.
Connecting with others on my more vulnerable art was surprising and deeply moving. Printmaking no longer was a “hobby” — it became my way of seeing, experiencing, and engaging with the world.
Sometime in 2023, a year into kintsugi print studio, it dawned on me that if someone were to ask me,
“What will you be doing 10 years from now?”
I realized that I did not know if I would still be an engineer, but I knew with 100% certainty that I would be making prints. That my dream was to grow old as a 75-year old grandma, still hunched over and carving.
And that is the moment when I knew that I would eventually switch to art full-time.
Over the next 2+ years I saved up a runway, knowing that one day I would say goodbye. That day happened to be in June 2026.*
(*Unintentionally overlapping with when AI tools took over and transformed what it meant to be an engineer)
…
Processing my emotions and the decision to leave, I cried as I carved “COFFEE BAR” in honor of all my memories, the hundreds of cups of coffee and heart-to-heart chats across 7 years. It features my favorite corner of the SQSP office on the 12th floor.
Farewell Happy Hour @ 12th Floor Coffee Bar
(The crossing)
“How does it feel to quit?”
My second most commonly asked question is how does it feel?
The last time I walked out of my office as an employee, after turning in my laptop and badge, I felt a sense of euphoria. Mixed with a feeling of disbelief, as in — did I really just do that? Did I really just walk away from a career I spent a decade building?
It felt like I was both floating and sinking at the same time. Like I was walking on clouds, with my chest about to cave in at any second.
…
The next morning, I woke up without any agenda. Without any plans. It felt completely unnatural and liberating.
…
Unfortunately the bliss was short-lived, as I had a market planned only 2 days later. Once I shifted gears for the market, they never shifted back…
6/11 Market, 2 days after my last day as an engineer!
(The after)
“How has it been since you left?”
The irony is, that after successfully doing events for over 3 years — I suddenly was hit with a streak of terribly slow markets. Despite going full-time with my practice, I was making less money a month than when I had been doing it alongside my engineering job.
Some flops included:
June Sustainability Market, where there were more vendors than shoppers at any given time
June Washington Square Park - Usually my strongest market, but performed about 40% less in sales than previous years
July - had my slowest street fair to date, even less sales than my first ever street market back in 2022!
On the flip side…
It’s hard not to lose morale, but there are wins that are still worth celebrating!
Doing a first-ever tote bag printing workshop for the July SQSP Summer Party!
Teaching high school students Block Printing at Chinatown Summer Arts Camp!
Running a Beginner’s Block Printing Workshop with Welcome to Chinatown!
Setting up impromptu for the first time at Union Square Park on a Saturday!
(The after, after?)
“I QUIT”
When your job gives you grief, you can blame it on your boss, your company — a third party that sits outside of your control.
However, when you switch to art full time and realize that the grief still arrives, you feel you have no one to blame except yourself. And the moment I felt this tired feeling associated with what I love, I almost could not recognize myself.
“I QUIT”
After quitting, I worked straight for over 2 months. Between markets, workshops, commissions, and trying to build new partnerships — I barely had time for myself. I almost burned out in the process, which made me question everything I had sacrificed for.
I finally had time to create art to process how it felt to leave tech — and made “I QUIT”, sitting for over 12 hours carving 8 tentacles and 175 suckers, because that was the best way I could express the feeling.
It gets ugly, your sense of self gets challenged on the daily, but despite the constant chaos — I feel at peace knowing that I’m living a life that is true to me.
Each peak and valley is part of the journey (and oh! how much sweeter the wins are when you earned it through art!) — despite the rougher than expected start, I am hopeful for growth in the next 2 years as I embark on this new chapter.
Until next time ~ ❤️ Helen
